Office Health

The purpose of this blog post is not to endorse stealing your co-worker's lunch. We are simply offering advice on how to be successful at it.

Times are tough and your company is cutting back; it's up to you to create your own perks. Stealing your co-worker's lunch is wrong, but you're not likely going to go to jail if you get caught.

Speed – You can't linger around in the kitchen. Get in and get out. The ideal kitchen or break room has two doors. You should enter through one, snatch a free snack, and exit through the other.

Greed – Don't kill the goose that laid the golden egg. Don't steal food every day or from the same person over and over. We understand that certain people have better food than others, but exercise restraint.

Mix it up – If you work in a large company, spread out your efforts across all kitchens, break rooms, conference rooms, reception desks (free fruit or candy), etc. By spreading out, it'll be hard to identify the totality of your work.

Redirects – Once in a while, bring your own lunch and put it in the refrigerator with your name written on the bag. Your co-workers will think "the lunch thief can't be him, he brings his own." Little do they know you're just that hungry that you'll eat yours AND theirs. If the office is on to you, you can secretly eat half of your sandwich and then make a big scene, "HEY, WHO ATE MY SANDWICH!"

Image courtesy of Stacita.

Has anyone else noticed that Halloween is rapidly turning into Christmas in terms of celebrating the "season"? I drove my kids around last night to look at Halloween lights on houses. Remember when people only put out pumpkins and a few decorations? These days, we’re seeing full blown lights on the house and haunted scenes in the yard. Folks set up life-sized skeletons, mummies, monsters and graveyards. We went by one house that displayed a lifelike werewolf on the roof and a Psycho shower scene behind their front window. Talk about getting into the spirit. I can't decide if these people are cool or crazy, but either way, next year I'M IN.

Do you notice the growing amount of shelf space reserved for Halloween paraphernalia in the stores? Sure, there has always been candy and costumes. But today, the shelves are packed with all sorts of Halloween props and shenanigans. The entire month of October is dedicated to the last day of the month. Just like the entire month of December is geared towards Christmas day. Halloween is on a serious tear right now and I say bring it on.

This rapid adoption of Halloween spirit as the major contender to Christmas spirit started me thinking about what it means to people working in an office. Here are my predictions of what Halloween will be like in the coming years for the corporate world. I call these predictions Halloween 2.0 at work:

Halloween 1.0 - Plastic spiders on a chair

Halloween 2.0 - Real spiders in a drawer

Halloween 1.0 - Wear a costume on Halloween day

Halloween 2.0 - Wear costumes all throughout October

Halloween 1.0 - Dress up as a witch

Halloween 2.0 - Practice real witchcraft at your desk

Halloween 1.0 - Cute little happy Halloween cards from co-workers

Halloween 2.0 - Big Halloween bonus checks from management
                         (just kidding,
that won't happen)

Halloween 1.0 - Collecting treats from your co-worker’s desk

Halloween 2.0 - Smashing pumpkins over your co-worker’s head

I hope this guide helps you be on the cutting edge of this booming holiday for
years to come. What will Halloween 3.0 entail? Real chainsaws? Who's
the boss now?!

Happy Halloween!

Spooky Wishes,

Bill Ross

The Office Toy Guy

www.OfficePlayground.com
We help you play on company time.

Image courtesy of Suzie T.

It's ok to admit that you don't like all of your co-workers. There always seems to be certain people who are geniuses at irritating you. Would you like to learn a surefire way to get them to leave you alone? Serve them bad dip. Here's how it works:

The Preparation
Start with some basic ingredients used for making a tasty dip: sour
cream, salsa, plain yogurt, guacamole or cream cheese will do. Next, add some not-so-tasty ingredients like pickle juice, suicidal hot sauce, cod liver oil, grape jelly, etc. At this point, most recipes instruct you to season to taste. Well, you sure as heck aren't going to taste this stuff. So, go heavy on the bad ingredients to be sure the dip tastes really, really horrible.

The Placement
Neatly display the bad dip in your work area along with some chips. The chips don't have to be bad, but using stale chips would be a nice touch. Now, you wait for annoying co-workers to approach.

The Payoff
Those little mooches will soon come around looking for the free food. They always do. They'll slither up, sniffing and eyeballing your snacks. They will ask you for some. With a big smile you nod your head. Don't feel guilty. After all, you didn't offer it to your co-workers. They sought you out.
Cherish the precious payoff when they take that huge reckless bite of bad dip.

The Act
As the targeted co-worker begins to chew their first bite, they will recoil from the horrible flavors attacking their taste buds. When they say, "AGH! THAT'S AWFUL," you burst into tears, grab the dip and yell, "That's my grandma's recipe!" Then, run to your car and go home for the day.

The Rewards

1. Your obnoxious co-workers will never come around again.
2. You get a free half-day off work.(Maybe you should watch some cooking shows.)
3. You'll never need to make food for the office again.
4. Everyone will be extra nice to you for a while.

Make some bad dip and watch your lame co-workers eat it. It'll make you laugh.

Bad dip making is just one more tool in your corporate survival toolbox.

Sincerely,

Bill Ross
The Office Toy Guy
OfficeToyGuy@OfficePlayground.com

www.OfficePlayground.com
We help you play on company time.

Image courtesy of Megan Soh.

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